According to a new study, the age at which you meet your soul mate is between 20 and 30 years old — not much younger or older than we thought!
We’re all looking for love, but what’s the ideal age to find it? According to a recent scientific study, there’s no perfect time. If anything, the only reason people fail to find true love is their fear of being alone.
The Study
A team of researchers from the University of California, San Diego, conducted a survey that included more than 2,000 participants who were allowed to answer questions about their romantic relationships. They asked questions like “When was the last time you felt pleased with your partner?” and “When did you feel most deeply connected to your partner?”
The average participant reported meeting their soulmate between 18 and 25.
“We found that people are very reluctant to be single,” co-author Alex Pentland, co-founder of MIT’s Human Dynamics Lab, said in an email interview. “People have a lot of resistance to being alone, especially as they get into their thirties.”
Soul-Mate Dating Advice From The Experts
Along with Pentland, the report was written by Dr. David Greenfield, who is the head of the UCSD Center for Healthy Aging, and Professors Mark Leary, Tim Kasser, and James O’Donnell, who all do research how happy people are with their relationships, how lonely they are, and how fulfilled they feel in their lives.
Greenfield explains that people tend to focus on other things instead of their partners to avoid feeling lonely. “It’s tough just to turn off your thoughts about your partner and focus on something else, so many times people will think, ‘If I can just go out and do this thing, then I won’t need my partner anymore,'” he says.
He adds that people often choose activities that may seem fun or exciting rather than ones that would provide companionship and connection with someone else. “As soon as we start to think about our partners, we become less interested in doing those things,” he says.
O’Donnell also points out that when people are in long-term relationships, they’re likely to spend a great deal of time thinking about each other. “When you’re in a relationship, you’re constantly wondering whether your partner is thinking about you,” he says. “You want to know if they’re thinking about you, and you want them to think about you. And you want them to want to think about you. So a constant stream of consciousness consumes a lot of mental energy.”
One of the main reasons people aren’t successful at forming relationships is that they’re too focused on themselves. This is called self-absorption, and it keeps people from opening up emotionally. “Being able to open yourself up to others requires that you’re able to put yourself aside,” says Leary. That means letting go of your needs and desires in favor of someone else’s needs and wishes.
How Do I Find My True Love?
Pentland notes that while most people in the study met their soul mates within the first five years after college, some didn’t. He believes this indicates that many people are still trying to figure out their purpose and what they want to do with their lives. “We don’t typically reach peak happiness until we’ve achieved some sense of meaning,” he says.
While caring for ourselves and nurturing our bodies and minds is essential, experts agree that finding emotional fulfillment isn’t only possible through physical health. “I think it’s important to try to develop your skills and abilities as well,” says Pentland. But it’s even more critical to develop your social skills and emotional intelligence.
Is It Possible For Me To Date Younger People Now I’m Older?
For some people, having children is part of their ultimate goal in life. Others may not be ready to take on such responsibility yet. Regardless of how far along you are in your journey toward parenthood, it’s never too late to seek a compatible partner. “Some people are not going to have kids anytime soon, and that’s okay,” says Pentland. “But there’s no reason why people should wait forever.”
According to the study, the average participant was married by age 26. However, most participants who had been married had already started a family before 50. “That’s important for people to understand that the typical relationship has more to do with biology than with choice,” says Pentland. “People are not choosing to be in relationships with someone over a certain age. It’s about how early people can get to their biological clock.”
Greenfield agrees. “There’s always a possibility to move the dates around, but it doesn’t work that way,” he says. “There’s nothing magic about the age that you meet your soulmate. What matters is that both parties are free to make choices and decisions and are open to change.”
Single people who want to explore dating younger people should take advantage of online dating platforms.
Should I Keep Trying Or Give Up On Finding A Partner?
Ultimately, deciding to give up on finding a partner depends on your priorities. “Most people want to be with somebody, or at least to have somebody, and that’s what matters,” says Pentland. “So if you can’t find somebody, there’s something wrong with you or the world.”
However, he cautions against being overly fixated on finding someone to fulfill your needs immediately. Pentland thinks it’s best to keep looking until you find the person ideally suited to you — even if that person isn’t quite your age. “I think that’s the beauty of the human experience,” he says.
“We’re all different and unique, and it’s good that we look for the people who are right for us, but also that we don’t settle for the cookie-cutter version of a perfect match.”
