If you’re looking for love, knowing how and when you’ll find the right person is essential. Here’s what happens next in our conversation with relationship expert Dr. Gail Saltzberg about meeting your soul mate.
There’s a saying that goes something like this…
“When two people meet, there is always something magical happening.” It could be as simple as they are laughing at the same joke or as complicated as sharing an intense connection. At some point, those two people will cross paths again. It may seem like fate when that happens, but there is usually a reason.
Finding your true soulmate can take time. You don’t just wake up one day and realize you have found someone special. However, if you have been single for long enough, you probably wonder what happened.
We talked to Dr. Gail Saltzberg, co-author of “The Power of Intimacy” and creator of the “Soulmate Series,” on finding true love. She has spent years studying relationships and has written several books about dating and marriage. Her latest book is called “You Are Now On A Date.”
1. Finding Love After Divorce
Divorce rates are rising around the world. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, divorce accounts for 36 percent of all marriages in America today, compared to 22 percent in 1970. More than 50 million Americans have experienced a divorce. As a result, we often wonder what we did wrong in our previous relationships and whether we missed out on something better. Saltzberg says that while most of us do not feel we were cheated by our ex-spouses (that’s their choice), we still need to find out why we didn’t work out.
“A big part of the problem is that we are not taught how to date anymore,” says Saltzberg. “Our parents were raised in another era where men and women went on dates and courted each other. We weren’t taught how to do it. So now, you get into a relationship and think you are being romantic. But you aren’t. You are doing things that are very old-fashioned, which is great because it works.”
She notes that many new couples make the mistake of thinking the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. They want to go on more dates to see if someone else is better. That is a huge mistake, according to Saltzberg.
“We tend to go from relationship to relationship until we find the right one,” she explains. “But we need to figure out why the last one wasn’t working and fix that before we move on to the next one.”
Saltzberg suggests that when you start looking for love again after divorce, you should look for ways to improve yourself. If you are self-absorbed, you won’t be able to connect with anyone else unless they are also self-absorbed. Look for a partner who shares your values and interests.
2. Meeting The One
Once you have determined that you are ready to start dating again, you need to decide whom you will approach.
It used to be that women would only approach men. However, women are now doing much more of the coming these days. This is a good thing because it allows them to ensure they are getting the right guy.
“Women used to go on blind dates and hope they wouldn’t get hit by lightning,” says Saltzberg. “Nowadays, women want to be picky. They want to go out and be approached.”
Men still prefer going after women. Men are even more likely to be approached. Men can be less picky when dating but also enjoy the chase. As a result, women should consider approaching men.
3. Dating Tips For A Happier Future.
Once you have decided that you are interested in someone, you must learn how to communicate effectively. Communication skills are essential when it comes to building a lasting relationships.
“People have a misconception that communication means talking,” says Saltzberg. “That is not true. Communication involves listening. Listening is a skill that must be developed. It takes practice.”
She recommends that you learn to listen without interrupting, asks questions instead of giving answers, keeps your eyes open, pays attention to body language, and avoid jumping to conclusions. These small changes can help ensure that you are communicating effectively with others.
4. Marriage And Children
Many people believe that once you marry, you are stuck with your spouse forever. In reality, marriage is one of the few areas where you can change your mind. This is why, according to Saltzberg, you should never say yes to marriage until you have said no to children.
“Marriage is supposed to be a lifelong commitment,” she explains. “However, people rarely stay married forever. There are plenty of reasons for this, including infidelity, emotional and physical abuse, and financial problems.”
She warns that if you are married and become pregnant, you should seriously consider having an abortion. Pregnancy can end in tragedy. As a result, you might consider keeping the baby if you are sure you are prepared to raise the child.
5. Sex Is Not Just About Pleasure
Sex is a massive component of any healthy relationship. However, Saltzberg believes that sex should be less about pleasure and more about intimacy. She says that having sex as foreplay shows that you care about the other person and makes them feel desired. This is good because it helps prevent boredom and keeps the romance alive in the relationship.
She adds that sex isn’t just about orgasms either. Instead, it is about making the other person feel loved. This increases the chances that they will continue to show interest in you over time.
6. How To Find True Happiness In Life Without Falling Into Religiosity Or Materialism
While everyone wants to be happy, many people fall victim to materialism and religion. Saltzberg says that happiness is not dependent upon money or possessions. Instead, she argues that happiness can be found through service and helping others.
“People think happiness is tied to something outside themselves,” says Saltzberg. “They think that success is tied to wealth or fame or power. People spend so much time focusing on external things that they miss the real source of happiness: inside themselves.”
She advocates that you focus on improving yourself every day. This includes developing your intellect, social skills, and character. Once you have done that, you can start contributing to other people’s lives.
7. What Makes Someone Special?
According to Saltzberg, the most significant mistake people make when finding their soul mates is believing that someone is perfect. Instead of focusing on flaws, you should focus on the positive things about your potential partner.
“Look for someone kind, caring, smart, and funny,” she says. “Don’t worry about a lack of money or a college degree. Focus on the positive qualities of the person you are considering marrying.”
8. Relationship Advice From An Expert
As a relationship expert, Saltzberg knows what works and what doesn’t. She gives her advice when it comes to dating and marriage below. Never settle for a second-rate partner. Always look for someone passionate about life and with the same core values as you. As a result, you will be drawn to each other.
Be patient. While you might think your ideal match is waiting for you, you must give yourself time to develop.
Avoid using online dating sites. Online dating sites are designed to hook up strangers, not build relationships. As a result, you risk ending up in an unhealthy relationship. </