It’s time to stop beating around the bush and talk about love. Everyone wants to be loved, but does that mean we should settle down with just anyone?
What Is A “Soul Mate” And How Do I Find One
You’ve probably heard people say, “you’ll meet your soulmate when you least expect it.” According to research, there is some truth behind this statement.
For years, scientists have been looking into what makes one person compatible with another. While no one has come up with a universally accepted definition, they are now saying that you can meet someone online who will become your soulmate.
But how do you know if the person you’re talking to online is your soulmate?
Finding The Right Person For Me Isn’t Easy
First off, let me tell you my story. I’m not a big believer in romantic relationships, especially since I was molested. I was married once at 23 and had an 8-year relationship before that. Since then, I’ve dated a few other guys, but I haven’t found the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.
As much as I’d like to believe that I know exactly what I’m looking for, there are many variables and be problems later down the road. So, how is it possible that online dating sites like Tinder and Bumble are full of people claiming to be soul mates who don’t end up together?
So What Does It Mean When Someone Says They Have Their “Solemate”?
According to Psychology Today, “soulmate” describes two people who are “intimately committed to each other, sharing their lives, supporting each other through good times and bad, and being there for each other emotionally, physically, and spiritually.”
Essentially, it means you and your partner are meant to be together forever.
Is There Any Truth In That Term, Or Just An Overused Word?
The term “soulmate” is overused in today’s culture, and it’s easy to see why. Many celebrities use it to promote their careers, and even science seems to get caught up in the hype.
While research has shown that there may be something to the idea of soul mates, researchers also stress that the term is still largely unproven. Some experts feel it’s more about chemistry than fate. After all, while the word “soulmate” might conjure up images of happily ever after, plenty of couples out there would argue otherwise.
“One of the biggest misconceptions is that people think that once you find a soulmate,’ there won’t be any ups and downs,” says Dr. Laura Berman, Assistant Professor of Psychology at the University of Florida.
She adds, “the reality is that most people in long-term relationships struggle with relationship satisfaction and happiness.”
And while some people claim that finding your “soulmate” is like magic, many others aren’t so sure.
Does This Even Matter If We Don’t End Up Together?
Some people think relationships only matter if you end up together. However, looking for a potential soul mate doesn’t hurt if you hope to have a happy marriage or partnership someday.
This is particularly true if you have children. If you plan on having kids, it’s best to be prepared by meeting the right person first.
“We know that a strong bond between parents and children increases their likelihood of success in adulthood,” explains Dr. Berman.
In addition, she suggests that if you don’t find your soulmate, you may be able to make someone else into a soulmate. As you age, you may develop new interests and passions with friends and family. If you have a great partner now, you can help them build relationships with their future partners.
Of course, there are risks involved in this process, including the fact that you may not end up with a soulmate at all. If that happens, you can always fall back on the adage, “it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”
Do You Think All Of Us Are On Our Search For True Love?
You don’t need to go on a quest to find your soulmate, but some people are convinced that we are all searching for our versions of the perfect match.
Dr. Berman thinks that this belief stems from a misunderstanding of evolution. She points out that humans are social creatures and tend to pair up with similar individuals.
“Our ancestors were hunter-gatherers, so it made sense that they would choose people with similar skills and skill sets in modern society. However, we are less likely to find a mate with whom we share the same skill sets,” she explains.
But the way we date has changed dramatically over the past 100 years, and Dr. Berman wonders if we’ll come to rely on these types of matches again.
“I think that as technology changes (and we move away from the focus on dating), we may revert to relying on our instincts to find a mate,” she speculates.
Are Relationships So Hard To Figure Out?
If you’re reading this article, you probably already know that relationships are complicated. We have to deal with emotions, feelings, expectations, and desires and figure out how to work together without killing each other.
To make matters worse, many people are pressured to find a partner. According to Dr. Berman, the average woman spends about five years trying to find a husband, which equates to about 10,000 hours of dating. Meanwhile, men are expected to spend about 15 minutes daily thinking about relationships.
Even though humans and relationships seem hard to understand, there are ways to improve our success chances. Here are some strategies that you can try.
- Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to find a “soulmate” because it’s unlikely that you’ll succeed.
- Make sure that you’re with someone who shares your values and goals.
- Be willing to compromise to work well together.
- Work harder to create emotional bonds with your partner.
- Get comfortable with being vulnerable.
- Find a balance between self-care and caring about your partner.
Can Science Help With My Relationship Problems?
There are certainly a lot of factors involved in relationships, and understanding those factors will help you determine whether you will have a successful relationship with another individual. If interested, check out this guide to learn more about relationships.
But if you feel you just can’t cut it, you might seek professional help.