Love is tricky, especially when you have known someone for years and suddenly decide to start dating them. But what if it’s meant to be? What then?
Can we find someone who will love us back unconditionally, or do we have to settle? We set out to answer these questions with the help of relationship expert Dr. Phil McGraw.
Know Yourself First
You may think you know yourself well enough already, but Dr. Phil says that you must first understand who you are before even considering settling down.
Dr. Phil explains: “First, get a good idea of who and what you want out of life. Then figure out who you are today, not ten, twenty, or fifty years ago.”
Don’t compare yourself to others when finding your true potential partner.
The best way to know if you’re compatible with someone else is by asking yourself some simple questions.
If they seem like a good match, go from there. Don’t let anyone pressure you into having an intimate relationship unless you’re both ready to take that leap.
Dr. Phil adds: “What does he bring to the table? Where does he fit into your life? What are your hopes and dreams for your future together? What are your fears about being alone? These are all important questions that you should ask each other.”
Do You Have A Healthy Sense Of Self Worth?
When you meet someone new, it can be hard to gauge their level of commitment. While one person might say they’ve been waiting for you forever, another could just be playing mind games to manipulate you into believing you’re in love.
So how can you know if they’re earnest about you?
Dr. Phil suggests asking yourself if you would marry this person. If the answer is yes, you’re probably onto something.
He explains: “If they are saying things that make you feel better about yourself and make you feel stronger, that is a sign that they value you.”
However, if they’re only telling you about themselves, Dr. Phil warns that there’s no guarantee they’ll tell you the same way in the long run.
Are You Open-Minded And Free From Judgment?
Another question to ask is whether they have realistic expectations of the relationship. Dr. Phil says you need to end the conversation immediately if they hold unrealistic standards for themselves or expect you to live up to them.
He adds: “It doesn’t how much time has passed or how much fun you have together; if you’re comparing yourself and judging yourself against them, you’re to drive yourself crazy and eventually resent them.”
Doe” He Make You Feel Safe & Comfortable In His Presence?
Next, check whether the person makes you feel safe and comfortable around him and vice versa.
Does he make you feel safe by treating you right? Does he make you feel comfortable by showing you love and affection? Dr. Phil says that if you feel safe and secure, you can more easily open up and share your feelings with him.
On the flip side, if you feel unsafe and uncomfortable around them, you shouldn’t have them. Dr. Phil says you can always get out if the person makes you feel that way.
How Much Time Will This Relationship Take Up?
While compatibility is critical, so is a healthy balance between work and play. If you spend too much time at home, you won’t be to enjoy your social life.
Dr. Phil advises you to ask yourself how much time you spend together. He says it might be a bad sign if you have a lot of free time.
He explains: “If you’re doing most of your free time together, maybe you have too many commitments outside of this relationship.”
This means your career and friendships are above your relationship, which isn’tisn’t to either party.
Has The Person Already Established Themselves As An Expert On Love Or Relationships?
Dr. Phil asks you to look closely at who they surround themselves with. Are they friends with people who talk about their relationships? Do they listen to romantic music?
These are signs that the person may not be fully present in your relationship. Dr. Phil explains that they might not be completely honest with you if they’re fully present. So if you sense that the person is hiding something, it’s to cut off contact.
How Old Were They When They Started Dating Each Other?
This question would show whether the person was mature enough to handle a real relationship.
According to Dr. Phil, if they’they’rel figuring out themselves and are still developing emotionally, this is a red flag that you need to walk away from the situation.
Is There Any History Between You Two That Might Be Relevant?
If the person doesndoesn’t like they’they’rey for a relationship yet, they may have had past issues with trust, abandonment, infidelity, or emotional turmoil.
If they’they’verienced any of those, they might not be the best match for you. Dr. Phil explains that if they’they’vea past relationship go sour, they might not be willing to commit fully to you.
But you’ryou’reably on solid ground if they havenhaven’ta history of past issues.
Does It Seem Like Their Personality Matches With Who You Want To Date
Dr. Phil recommends checking out the person’s reality traits. If they seem similar to you, it can be a good sign. However, it could mean trouble ahead if they aren’t from you.
If the person seems slightly different from you, he says it could be a warning sign that you’re a perfect match.
The One Question That Nobody Wants To Answer…
Once you’vyou’vered out all the answers to the above questions, you can finally move on to the next step. According to Dr. Phil, this is where you need to ask yourself – are you in love?
He explains: “Are they making you feel better about yourself than you’d felt? Are they taking care of you and respecting you? Are they making you laugh and smile every day? Do they make you feel safe and secure? If you fyou’rel these things, you’re defiyou’re in love.”
But if you’re not, you’re those things; you must stop pursuing this person.