Love is supposed to be a happy, blissful thing that brings you joy and fulfillment in your life — but what if it isn’t? What do we look for when searching for our soulmate?
According to the author and psychologist Dr. Gary Chapman, there are several things we look for in our search.
1) The Search
The first step of our quest for love is to recognize that we have been looking to find that right person all along.
We haven’t known how to express and feel it at first. In fact, according to Dr. Chapman, most people don’t even know they are searching until they meet their soulmate. Once they do, they realize that they were always on the hunt. But, not everyone knows exactly who that person is.
Dr. Chapman says that when we’re younger, our love interests are often part of our social circle. And, because our social circle changes through time, so do our relationships. So, while we may think we’ve found someone special, we may only be searching for them in different circles.
2) When We Find Our “Soulmate”
Chapman believes that most people start with a romantic vision of love. They want to be swept away by a handsome stranger, fall madly in love, get married, buy a house together, adopt children, and live happily ever after.
But, sometimes, this ideal doesn’t happen. And, that’s okay! There is no right answer.
In addition, Chapman says that often, when we try to force our partner into a mold, we end up with something that doesn’t work out. We’ll often find a partner who is great at one thing, but not another.
Our partners can also change over time. This gives us the opportunity to learn from our mistakes and figure out what works better for us.
3) Finding the Right One Is Not as Easy As Looking For Them
When we’re younger, we might think finding someone will be easy. But, once we become adults, we realize it’s harder than we originally thought.
This is why Dr. Chapman suggests we should be more open-minded about the possibilities. We need to remember that life is full of surprises. The idea that you know someone who truly loves you and wants to spend the rest of your lives together is wonderful, but it might not come true for everyone.
It’s important to remember that some people aren’t meant to be with each other. This is especially true of couples that are opposites, such as those who are very introverted and very outgoing, or those that are very religious and those that are not.
You might wonder if you are too much like your partner — and that might be fine!
4) Don’t Let Love Be an Excuse To Avoid Life
Another problem that arises from trying to find that perfect match is that we begin to avoid living our own lives. We start thinking about everything else we could be doing instead of spending time with family and friends.
If we become consumed with finding our soulmate, we can ignore the real world. Our relationship becomes more important than living our own lives.
5) How Do I Know If They are My “True” Match?
One way we can tell whether or not we’ve found our “true match” is that we feel comfortable with the person. If we enjoy being around them, feel good when we’re with them, and feel comfortable talking to them, then we know we’ve found that person.
And, once we’ve found someone, we should never lose sight of the fact that we’re still individuals. That means our partners shouldn’t try to control what we do or where we go. Instead, they should accept that we’re separate beings with individual needs and desires.
Finally, if we find someone we truly connect with, it’s best to make sure we keep seeing each other. Don’t enter marriage without taking the time to get to know each other.
In the end, it’s important to remember that finding the person you are meant to be with is a journey, not a destination. And, it’s one worth taking.